i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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