I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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