Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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