OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
