Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
