So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
