Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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