Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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