okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
