I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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