I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
