Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
