If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
