if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pooping to opera.
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