I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
