There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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