I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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