By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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