jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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