ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
