I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sacagawea was the original milf.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
