my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
