I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
