she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
