I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
