I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
