You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
