Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
