Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
