Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
