the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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