bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
