Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
