she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
