WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
