Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
