You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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