remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
