kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
