He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
