You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
