i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
