Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
