how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
