i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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