So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
im on a boat
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