I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
