I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
