Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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