i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize