New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize