need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
