Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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