i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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