i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
