it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
