I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it because I queefed?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
