Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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