she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Boobs are out for the taking
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize