sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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