dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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