The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
