so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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