Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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