You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
