It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
