i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
