what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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