lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
