when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
