just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
