She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
