I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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