If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
