My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
