well I can't set my house on fire every night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
