I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
