It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
