what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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