She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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