If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
